Fo Sheezie My Neezies...
I haven't put a post in for a couple days... SORRY! Ok that is going to happen... Why... Why ask Why... Don't try Bud Dry... Do they even make it anymore...? Back to the point... Every 2 weeks I am mandated by my kingdom (no the oil thing hasn't gone to my head) to inspect my lands... Close and a far... I just got back from a base in Kirkuk... Bust out your trusty old map... Find Baghdad... go north... Find Tikrit... Go northeast... Find Kirkuk... Kirkuk is a very interesting city going through some very interesting times... If you know anything about Iraq you know there are different types of people here... Well they think so... You got Sunnis, Shiites (hehe) , and Kurds... Well you got a lot more... but let us keep it simple... hmm...
Let's do some Iraqi EthnoPetrol 101...
You have oil in Southern Iraq (where the Shiites live) , North Iraq (Kurds) , and buttkiss, nada, zero, no oil in the middle (Sunnis) ... During the days of Saddam (a Sunni himself) ... The Sunnis oppressed the Shiites, went genocidal on the Kurds and took over all the oil in Iraq because they had none ... Now let me tell you about the Kurds... These are some hard piping homies that have cajones of molten lead... They have been fending off the Sunnis and the Turks (they get no love) from their mountains in northern Iraq for decades... (FYI: Kurdish means we have no friends but the mountains) After we beat down Saddam for the second time they came up like Tony Montana... Got themselves some guns, some government and starting running thangz... The bad guys don't even try to mess around up there cuz the Peshmerga (Peshmerga= Kurdish military... High Speed Individuals) would stick a 9 up the Sunni's perverbial cul'o and pull the trigger till it goes "Click"... You know how they say nobody likes us over here...? Save for the KURDS...! They love us...! They want us to stay...! They say things to the tune of we did not start living until the Americans came... If you roll around any Kurd run areas they are liable to mob you as a savior... Sounds good huh...? Wrong... Well politically speaking it is wrong... We are trying to make one country over here... If the Kurds get to powerful they might tip the fragile balance causing a Civil War... bad ju ju capice...?
Before we get N2Deep let's get Back to the Hotel... Hotel Kirkuk that is... Kirkuk is vital to the cause because of... Come on...? Haven't you been paying attention...? OIL...! The oil fields are all around it... By the way... New estimates came in that say maybe 15% of the world's oil could be hiding under this mess... Saddam knew this man...! That is why he injected like a poison his Sunni people into Kirkuk and ejected like a bad cassette the Kurds... Guess what Saddam... SAY 'ELLO TO MY KURDISH FRIEND...! They are starting to clean up shop there... This looks like a civil war bomb in the queue... Hold on now... We being Americans see opportunity... If we can get them to live together it might just start something great... And that is our lesson on EthnoPetrol 101...
So yes... I was in Kirkuk... My mission there is to get the oil flowing out of the grounds... into a refinery... into a power plant... and juicing their Mario Kart games... Cause that makes people happy and much like R. Kelly's song "Happy People" is what we want... SO I CAN GO HOME AND EAT SOME GREEN ENCHILADAS...! Let's get to work... Met some Iraqi Generals... at least that is what they call themselves... I mean... they are generals... but of what...? Kind of like having a Masters Degree... What does that mean...? Are you my Masta now...? Anyways... Saw an Iraqi army battalion graduate basic training... their job... to secure the oil lines from the bad guys... They don't goose step anymore (goose stepping is the military march of the bad guy in my opinion at least... Nazi Army, North Korea, the vodka drinking Russkies, countries like that goose step) ... which means they are coming around to the light... But half the battalion were wearing sneakers instead of boots... and couldn't perform a facing movement if their life depended on it... (UCLA DET 055 Silent Knights Drill Team could teach them a thing or two) ... But they are just the beginning... I am sure the grunt armies of George Washington's were looked poorly upon by the Brittish and their Red Coat Army... There are daily reports from the lines of these guys getting blasted by the terrorists... So send a prayer their way... Hopefully it will be for something more than just cheap gas... Part of my job is to get these guys the facilities they need to do their job... Smiling and exchanging non-verbal greetings with them made me appreciate that aspect of this position a lot more... After that, we went to the US Embassy in Kirkuk that is guarded by Columbians... from Columbia (go figure) ... They did have excellent food (kitchen was run by the Columbians) ... After going the usual heckling of not knowing enough spanish from the guards I said Hasta Luego and went on my merry way... punks... On the way back to base we drove by Chemical Ali's old house... He was the guy in charge of Saddam's Chemical Weapons program and aided in the gassing of... you guessed it... A Kurdish town that killed thousands... Nice house... Saddam must pay well...
This morning we had to convoy back to Tikrit... Not the most pleasant of experiences... I think we counted 65 craters on the road from previous IEDs and VBIEDS (Improvised Explosive Device and Vehicle Bourne Improvised Explosive Device) ... The only time we felt somewhat secure was when about 6 Apaches helicoptors flew by... So far I have 6 convoys and 2 helicopter rides under my belt... Straight Veterano... uh yea...

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel...
-Old Islamic Proverb