PHANTOM JARAMILLO

The Jam is back... In fact it's the attack... of the mack... brak'n anklez like shaq... Stick that on your forhead with a tack...

Another successful mission to Kirkuk... This time for very different reasons... I built what those Army types call a Terrian Model... But first I ate this!

A crazy assortment of fried things and vegetables... I guess this is what Iraq's eat... and my iron stomach was in effect... no probs... It was good... could use some salsa though... washed it down with an overly sugared orange drink... they like there sugar here... Funny going from a country that is not to big on the sweets (Korea) ... to this country where they literally eat sugar out of the bag (Iraq) ... good thing all I want to do is eat... After eating all that Dining Facility food... this was a nice break... always funny to see the ignorant American person saying... "I am not going to eat that Haji food..." and them selves starve rather than expand there palette (hehe palette) by one inch... (remember Haji is a derogatory word... we use Durka here)

So you ask... what is a terrain model...? Well have you seen stripes... remember that one scene where that guy from Night Court is watching those girls taking a shower... ok not that scene... I just wanted you to remember that scene... God I wish I was a Lufa... Now remember that scene where that same guy is playing with his tanks and other toys on a simulated terrian... Well they really do that... This one wasn't that fun... it focused on ower lines and of course the mother of all... my precious Oil Lines... and it looked something LIKE THIS!

Basically represented the northeastern quarter of M-Lo and I's domain (yes I share my wealth) ... It really gives you a new look at what you are working with instead of a flat map... You may have seen this type of thing used in the beginning of the Pearl Harbor movie with Admiral Yamoto using a water terrian map with lil ships and dudes in underwear moving them around... By the way that movie sucked... Afleck and Hartman... come on... anyways... this is what it looks like when a Mexican is standing on a simulated Iraq and trying not to fall over...

Those are my beloved pipelines to the right of me... NO ANAKIN NO!!!!... sorry I am listening to the Star Wars Soundtrack... Yes those are my pipelines that are in horrible disrepair... Bad news since it may cause heating oil shortages in Iraq this winter... I am trying to do what I can I promise...! :( We got together a bunch of Iraqi big wigs (we are talking equivalent to U.S. Secretary of Interior, Finance, and so on...) and had them figure out how to work together so they could prevent what has happened so far from happening again... i dunno...

So the interesting story of the day besides meeting this really cool Kurdish guy who runs a refinery... was... The army likes to do things at the seat of their pants... You know me... the kind of seat pant flyer dude I am... I went on this trip with the understanding that somebody else would handle my arrangement for my way home to Tikrit... don't worry it's covered they say... ok... So when I meet this alleged dude this morning I am like... hey how am I getting home... don't worry it's covered, just find me after the presentation is done... ok... so the presentation is done... I put on my battle rattle (IBA, Kevlar, M-16, M-9, clips, and two sticks of gum) and look for the "don't worry it's covered guy..." No joy... where did he go I ask... oh he is at the Helo's already... no way... way... no way... way... way...? way... shizzle.... Mind you this is all going on at an Iraqi Army base (that is where M-Lo and I built this terrian model) ... So I run outside and flag down a Seaman in a SUV... talk about random but that is the way it happened... Yo! Seaman (hehe Seaman) ... I need a ride to the helo pad... Ok Cap get on in... Coo... Coo... Going 80MPH on a Iraqi Base is legal I guess... and in the word's of M-Lo-what are they going to do... Send me to Iraq...? We get there... there are 8 helo's with the blades a whirling... oh shizzle... So I run up to someone that looks like they know what they are doing... hey Trooper which one is going to Speicher (my home in Tikrit) ... he says take your pick... So there I go knocking on each Blackhawks window asking if they have room... naturally I pick the wrong end to start off on... so the last one I get to has a seat... I jump on... 10 seconds later the ground is lifting beneath us... Gotta love the Army... Just like Khe Sahn...

By the way... this trip had me separate from M-Lo... That had Bad Ju Ju all over it... We will try not to let that happen again... You could just see the concern... I was sad too M-Lo...

Anyways... Just to leave this blog on a good note... One of my troops wanted to wish you all a good week this week... and remind you to holla back jack... and God Bless you and the United States of America... Da Casa of the Homies, Brothaz, Asianz and Gavachoz...

NICE FUCKING MODEL! HONK! HONK!

-Beetleguese